Being engaged is an amazing time, but planning a wedding can be quite daunting. Especially when it comes to learning and navigating those important traditions and proper etiquette. For instance, a common question for brides to be is whether or not it is possible, or advisable, to have two maids of honor. Contemplating this for my own special day, I spent a lot of time researching all that would be involved. Here is what I found.
So, can you have two maids of honor? It is possible to have two maids of honor and it can work particularly well for larger weddings, or where you cannot choose between a relative and a close friend. Although responsibilities for both before and during the wedding will need to be shared, carefully coordinated, and properly communicated for it to work.
Most brides will only typically have one maid of honor; but that does not mean that you have to follow suit.
Besides, it is your wedding after all!
It is important to consider however, that having two maids of honor will certainly change things.
And, it will certainly be a different experience for all involved.
Sufficient planning will be required. And in doing so, there is no reason why it cannot be enjoyable for everyone involved.
Plus, it does offer you some flexibility. For some of you reading, it can even make an impossible decision of who to choose, possible.
Let us now take a closer look at exactly how having two maids of honor would work, before we turn to whether you should have more than one involved.
So, if you are in the process of making this difficult decision, be sure to keep reading!
I can help, I promise!
- 1 Should You Have Two Maids Of Honor?
- 2 How Would Two Maids Of Honor Work?
- 3 What Is The Second Maid Of Honor Called?
- 4 How To Ask Two Maids Of Honor
- 5 Finally
Should You Have Two Maids Of Honor?
Whether or not you should have two maids of honor is going to come down to your personal preferences, circumstances, and context.
While having two maids of honor works for some brides, it does not for all. Equally, the same can be had for having just one.
Either way, there is no obligation. Its ultimately up to you.
But sometimes its not as easy as this.
Considering the advantages and disadvantages of either option can really help, knowing that they’ll likely be a combination of the two.
Let us now take a closer look at some considerations you may want to take into account to help make that decision.
Consider The Wedding Size
How many guest do you intend to invite? How many bridesmaids are in the bridal party?
Of course, the larger the wedding, the bridal party etc., the more planning and management will be required.
And a lot of this falls on the maid of honor.
So, a sharing of responsibilities can really take the pressure off them, and this can result in a much better and more successful day for everyone.
This is why two maids of honor work especially well for large weddings; where one singular maid of honor may otherwise feel quite overwhelmed.
Consider Your Reasoning
First and foremost, consider why you are contemplating have two maids of honor, to begin with. You want to ensure that you are doing it for the right reasons.
A maid of honor should almost pick themselves.
They should be somebody close, who is important to you and enhances your life. And – has done for some time.
Besides, they will be sharing a very intimate and momentous occasion with you. Don’t forget they will be in all of the pictures that you will forever look back upon too!
At the same time, you should not feel obliged or pressured to have a particular maid of honor; just because they are related or because you have known someone for a long time.
Its an honor, and they should be asked on merit.
Lastly, and while it may be hard, do not consider two maids of honor as the solution to keep the peace.
Sure, it prevents the need to make a challenging decision and hold that difficult discussion – but it can result in problems later down the line.
Consider Your Relationships And The Individuals
Its important that you also take a moment to reflect upon your relationship with the potential maid of honor(s) and what they are like as people.
Are they dependable, can you trust them, do you have a better time in their company?
You want your wedding day to be fun and without drama; any source of stress and anxiety is not something you really want to entertain.
And certain people can bring this, even if it is unintentional.
Just remember, choosing a maid of honor does not mean that you are necessarily rejecting someone. Besides, you can still honor them with the role of a bridesmaid.
Consider Relationships Between Potential Maid Of Honors
Another big consideration is the relationship between the two, potential, maids of honor. Are they already good friends, acquaintances, or has there been a history between the two?
Remember, these two will be working closely together to make your dream day. So, the better they get on, the better for everyone. And hopefully, the smoother the working relationship will be.
It goes without saying but if they do not get along, barely know of one another, or if you could see a potential issue, its probably best to stick to one maid of honor.
Ultimately, you are going to want to try and imagine your wedding with and without your two potential maids of honor.
How does it look?
What is your gut feeling?
If having two maids of honor fills you with excitement and joy – you should definitely consider having two maids of honor.
How Would Two Maids Of Honor Work?
The next step in your decision process, is getting a feel for how two maids of honor would work.
How would it look and what would it mean for you and the maids of honor involved?
Let us now take a closer look.
Sharing of Responsibilities
The maid of honor is responsible for a number of important tasks – both pre-wedding and on the day itself.
Here main duties include, but are not limited to:
- Planning the bridal shower,
- Planning and organizing the bacherlotte party,
- Assisting with wedding planning,
- Help the bride get ready,
- Hold the brides bouquet at the ceremony,
- Give a toast at the reception
- And there is more…
But how would two maids of honor approach these duties, considering they are generally undertaken by one person?
Well, your two maids of honor would need to work together in some capacity with any planning.
Depending on the dynamic, and how well they know each other, they can:
- Work as a team and do everything together or
- Divide up the tasks and work independently.
For instance, if your maids of honor are already close friends, it may be more fun to ask them to work together to plan your bridal shower and bachelorette party.
However, if the two would prefer to work independently because they do not know each other well or have different strengths and interests, then this is another option.
For example, if your two maids of honor are your sister and your best friend, your sister can host your bridal shower (and invite all your family and close friends). Then, your best friend could plan the bachelorette party.
At the wedding and the reception, the maids of honor will be involved with all the normal responsibilities.
This can include answering the guests’ questions, and helping the bride with anything needed.
Nevertheless, since a wedding day can get a little chaotic, having two maids of honor can actually help to ensure that everything goes to plan.
So long as they are aware of what needs to be done, and when.
Communication is key.
They Are Both Honored At The Ceremony And Reception
There are different ways that a maid of honor can be celebrated at the ceremony and the reception.
Perhaps the main ones include: wearing a different dress to the other bridesmaids, walking down the aisle last in the bridal party (just before the bride), standing right next to the bride during the ceremony, and giving toasts at the reception.
With two maids of honor, you have different options here:
- Your two maids of honor can wear the same dress, which is different from the rest of the bridesmaids. This will also help them to stand out and apart from the rest of the bridal party.
- You can get your maids of honor to wear something slightly different, or with details/accessories which help to differentiate them from one another. A bow, bouquet, or hair accessory can work well here.
Whatever you choose, the details need to be noticeable enough to highlight that these two are your best girls!
At the ceremony, the maid of honor usually walks down their aisle last, just before the bride. When you have two maids of honor, you can ask them to walk the aisle together. This way, they will be honored equally.
The maids of honor also usually stand right next to the bride and hold her bouquet during the ceremony. When there are two, it’s a little tricky as there will naturally be someone who stands first and then second.
As a bride, you will need to make a decision and communicate this to your maids of honor before the wedding.
It can be a tough call and decision, but if you have a relative that person usually comes first.
Just be sure to openly communicate and set expectations; you don’t want any hard feelings!
Finally, it’s time to party!
The maid of honor usually gives a toast to the bride and groom at the reception.
So, when there are two, there are several different ways they celebrate you.
They could either give the toast together; which helps to make it feel less formal and more conversational.
Or, they can take turn and give their toast one after another.
Or you could take into account the personalities; it may well be one maid of honor is more comfortable or willing. In that instance, they could do the toast on behalf of both.
What Is The Second Maid Of Honor Called?
People often wonder about what to call the second maid of honor, assuming that they would like to be addressed differently.
There’s no reason they cannot be titled ‘co-maids of honor’, and this title would mean that nobody has preferential treatment or stands out.
If you’d really like to have a different title for your second maid of honor, you could consider the maritial statuses.
If one is married, you could have them as your matron of honor.
Along the same lines, you could technically choose to have two matrons of honor, if both were in fact married.
Then, you can ditch the “official” title altogether.
Instead, you may want to create your own.
Your maids of honor can be called anything that you want – Sister of Honor, BFF of Honor, the Bridal Brigade, the Bridal Squad… its totally up to you.
There are no rules or expectations here.
What’s important is choosing a title that makes both your maids of honor feel celebrated and loved.
How To Ask Two Maids Of Honor
If you do decide on having two maids of honor, you’ll need to think about how to ask them. And, how you do so can be increasingly important.
Since most people assume that the bride will have one maid of honor, you will need to be open from the outset and communicate your decision clearly.
You may even need to do so quite delicately, depending on the personalities involved.
Besides, you do not want anyone to misunderstand or have their feelings later hurt over your decision.
Be mindful of when you ask, and do consider their personal circumstances in your approach.
If your two (potential) maids of honor are already very familiar with one another (or are both anticipating being asked), you may be able to ask them together.
However, if your two maids of honor do not know each other well, its best to ask seperately.
In fact, this is usually best for most people.
Sometimes, you may even want to introduce your (potential) made of honors to one another first.
See how they get along, let them to get aquatinted naturally and if you can see them being a good fit.
When it comes to the big ask, you should reassure them of how important each of them is to you, and you should be clear that they will share equal responsibilities.
You definitely don’t want to leave any impression that one is more important than the other, or in any way encourage competition between the two.
Once you have asked, and celebrated, you may want to introduce some kind of means of colloboration.
A Whatsapp group for instance can really help.
Somewhere that you can communicate with them both and ensure tasks are being divided up fairly and shared.
You may even want to direct your maids of honor; knowing their strengths and interests and what they may prefer to do (even if they do not want to put themselves forward for it)
So, one maid of honor could take on the bachelorette party, the other the bridal shower.
Do be sure to check up on them individually however; see how they are getting along, make sure they are happy and confident with their duties.
Whatever you decide to do, introducing some form of structure and setting expectations will help to make sure that there’s no misunderstanding or complications between your maids of honor.
Remember, they may not be aware of or confident enough to communicate and be honest with one another.
You need to bridge the gap. Its your wedding after all.
Its entirely possible to have two maids of honor. There’s no obligation to have just the one, nor is there an obligation to have more than one.
This is a decision that you need to make; based primarily on what you think would benefit your day and your experience most.
Just make sure that you think the decision through before asking anyone to be your maid of honor.
Its a big honor, and it does come with its fair share of responsibility.
And perhaps most importantly.
Make sure any maid of honor truly means something to you.