Choosing who will be your best man is one of the hardest decisions that you will likely need to make. Not just for your wedding, but in life itself. For some individuals there is nobody whom seems to naturally spring to mind. For others, it can be an impossible decision between two important and special people in your life. But what are a grooms options here? Is it possible to have more than one best man should the need arise and what would need to happen if this went ahead? I spent some time looking into the possibilities. I will be sharing all that I found here today.
So, can you have two best men? It is possible to have two best men, and this is a way that a groom can honor two important people in their lives. For example, the two best men could be a brother and a close friend. However, duties and responsibilities will need to be considered, shared or fairly divided up for both pre-wedding and wedding day activities. Organization of the bachelor party and the best mans speech are perhaps the two most noteworthy to consider.
On first thought, choosing two best men may seem like the simple and effective solution. It can quickly seem as if you are forgoing the decision process altogether.
That being said, decisions will still be required and if you do not set the tone right from the outset and have open communication, it can result in tension and disagreements.
Whether or not this arrangement will work for you will depend on your own circumstances, and what you ultimately want for your special day.
Let us now take a closer look at what’s involved with having two best men. We will be looking at the main responsibilities of a best man before turning to some best practices to ensure your wedding day benefits from additional member of team groom.
What Do You Call A Second Best Man?
If you decide to have two best men, then naturally you will be wondering what to call them.
For the most part, you should not need to refer to them any differently. So, you can continue to call both of them your ‘best man’.
When mentioning them, you would use the plural equivalent, so they would be your “best men”.
There is really no need to distinguish their names any more than this, although you can do so in other ways, such as their attire.
What Responsibilities Does The Best Man Have?
Being the best man is a fulfilling and enriching position; but it does come with a set of responsibilities and duties to ensure the groom and their bride have the best day possible.
If there is a word that defined what a best man does, it would be: organization.
The best man is mostly responsible for organizing both the pre-wedding celebrations and the wedding day itself.
Below, you can see the main duties that a best man takes on:
- Planning and organizing the bachelor party/stag do and or grooms lunch,
- Coordinate the groomsmen’s suits, and ensuring they attend all required fittings.
- Planning a gift for the groom,
- Prepare and give their best man’s speech,
- Stay with the groom the night before the wedding,
- Help the groom on the morning of the wedding, including helping them get ready,
- Carrying the rings,
- Signing the marriage certificates as a witness
- Coordinating or making announcements at the wedding
- Keeping an eye on the timeline,
- Dancing with the maid of honor after the first dance.
How Would Two Best Men Work?
Traditionally, a groom would have one best man; whom would be responsible for a range of different pre-wedding and wedding day duties and responsibilities.
Therefore, if you opt for two best men, they will either need to share these duties and responsibilities, or they should be fairly divided up between them.
But who does what and how do you ensure that the best men are notified, aware and satisfied with their role?
Thankfully you do have several options here.
The first is that they work together.
This way, they will simply divide up the duties so that each one is responsible for a particular aspect or sequence of events.
Each best man can take the lead on those that match their personal strengths, or where they can leverage their connections.
This option ensures that both best man play their role, and feel connected and personally invested in the process.
Another option is that you have one best man who takes on more of the responsibility.
Sometimes, one best man may either need or want to take on all of the planning and arrangements whereas the other plays a more background role.
This can work depending on the personalities of the best men involved. Some people would rather take the lead, whereas others are more reserved, unable or would prefer to leave these responsibilities to somebody else.
However, it is usually mor common for both best man to be more active and share equal responsibility.
If you do not want to leave it to the best men, then you can of course decide as the groom who will be responsible for each task.
Whether you tap into their personal strengths, or you think that one best man would be more appropriate than another for a certain responsibility, it is ultimately up to you.
Consider that with this option, you’ll need to enter the conversation early, and it may require a bit of extra work on your part.
Failing this, you can always look for outside support on some of the planning, say from another close family member.
Duties And Responsibilities Of Two Best Men
Let us now take a closer look at what having two best men would look like from a duty and responsibility perspective.
The best man typically will plan and organize the bachelor part with support from the groomsmen.
They also may organize a grooms lunch, and help with the wedding attire selection, fittings and logistics.
With two best men, you can choose to either split the tasks up evenly, or have them work together.
For instance, one best man could plan the bachelor party, the other the grooms lunch. Or one could decide on the location for the bachelor weekend, the other on the activities.
It depends mostly on personality types and how the two men get along with one another. It also depends on their preferences and how you want to personally honor them.
Some may be more comfortable taking the lead, whereas you may have two highly organized individuals that love to plan!
What your two best men would wear on the wedding day itself is another considration.
At most weddings, the best man will match the groomsmen and wear the same attire.
If you are to have two best men, then you can follow this tradition or mix it up.
You could have the best men wear different boutonnieres, or a slightly different color in their accessories (like their neckties).
Either way, its important that they match the wedding theme, and fit in nicely with the bridesmaids and the groom himself.
When it comes to the notorious best man speech, again you will have several options.
Either you can have the best man do the speech together (and bounce off one another) or they could have two separate, sequential speeches.
There are benefits to either approach, but it is generally advised that the two best men speak together. This way, no content is repeated, nobody has the first say and nobody has to wait for their turn. It also prevents the competitive nature that two speeches may bring about.
With two separate, standalone speeches, the second best man has a difficult challenge; keeping the guests interested and intrigued is much harder once the first best man speech has been done.
Besides, if the first best man has already spoken for 10 minutes or more, two speeches can be too much!
While it will depend on the best men involved, their shared experiences with the groom, the circumstances and the context, they will need to make a decision as to what they want to do. As it will require planning in advance.
If you do not opt or feel confident in having a young ring bearer, the responsibility typically falls on the best man.
Unfortunately, you can only select one person for this huge responsibility and duty.
Therefore you will need to decide between your two best men who takes this on.
Signing Of The Marriage Certificate
Again, the signing of the marriage certificate is a one-man task. Only one best man will be able to sign it.
The marriage certificate will require two signatures; with the other traditionally being the maid of honor.
For this reason, the groom will need to decide on whom should sign.
In the context of a best man as a brother and best man as a close friend, this works well as it naturally follows that the relative signs.
However, it can become a little more nuanced depending on the two best men involved. A decision will need to be made.
Should You Have Two Best Men?
Whether or not you should have two best men will depend on a number of factors. Your own circumstances and the people you have in your life, along with other considerations such as the size of the wedding, the number of maids of honor the bride wants to have etc.
The bridal couple will essentially need to consider whether having two best men will benefit the wedding, or be a potential cause of conflict and disagreement.
You should consider how the two best men would interact with one another. Are they close themselves or are there any logistical aspects you need to take into account?
The amount of planning, communication and budget are also factors to consider.
From there, its important that the groom has two people that are appropriate and suitable for the honor.
For starters, the groom should feel very close to both individuals; whom also view the groom in a similar way.
Plus, a best man needs to be:
Plus several more qualities. Of course, this list is not exhaustive.
Essentially, the best man needs to be able to undertake their duties and responsibilities in a way that will benefit both the pre-wedding and wedding day activities.
You want to be able to depend on your best men and trust in their opinions and organizational skills too.
Whether the two best men can help you to have the day which you deserve is a decision that you will need to make.
It is definitely possible to have two best men for your wedding.
In fact, you can technically have as many best men as you want. The same can be said for maid of honors too.
Of course, more is not necessarily better.
There are certainly benefits and drawbacks to either option.
Being a best man is a huge responsibility and a lot of work. Dividing this up between two people is a tactful approach – when it works. But it does not work for everyone.
It all depends on the context and the individuals involved.
One thing is for certain, you should take some time to consider your options and the possibilities before you commit to any particular person(s)
Think about what having two best men will mean for all involved, and what will be required to make it a success.
At the end of the day, this is all about your wedding and ensuring you have the best day that you possibly can.
Celebrating it with the people whom mean the most to you is definitely a factor in this; but you should never feel obliged – the decision is ultimately all yours.
But if you do have two people that are meant for the role, you can safely ask both of them.
Hey, I’m Allison – a recent bride, an expectant mother and the chief editor here at Everlasting Occasion. Here I document all the knowledge and experience I accumulated while researching and planning my dream wedding and ahead of our new baby. Here, I try to answer those many questions couples have when planning their dream wedding, while equally, helping expectant parents ahead of their new arrival!