Being proposed to is a really special moment. One minute you are talking; the next, your partner is down on one knee. Despite the excitement, some of us our unfortunately left disappointed with the ring. We may have wanted our engagement ring to be slightly bigger or different in terms of design or style. But are we right to feel this way and is there anything we can do here?
So, is it wrong to want a bigger engagement ring? It is not wrong to want a bigger engagement ring. Besides, we all have our own expectations, desires and personal preferences. However, as to whether you can change your ring or whether you should in fact tell your fiancé you are not satisfied is a different matter altogether and should be approached with caution.
It could very well be that your partner was not aware of your preferences, it could have been a financial decision or it could have been something else altogether. For example, in some cultures smaller engagement rings are the norm.
Either way, the situation remains the same; you’re not happy and satisfied with the size of your engagement ring. And you do have a right to feel this way.
That being said, before doing anything hastily, its important to take some time to think and consider how you will approach your next move. Besides, this is your future husband after all.
There also could be more than meets the eye. It could very well be the case that your disappointing ring was used purely as a means of proposing; a placeholder if you will. Perhaps the real ring is on order and your now fiancé had to make other arrangements to proceed with his plan.
So, with this all in mind, let us know take a look at some of those other questions that you may be having and related to the topic at hand.
We’ll also be looking at how to go about the situation, and the things you can do about it.
How Many Carats Should An Engagement Ring Be?
The average size of most engagement ring diamonds is between half a carat and one and a half carats.
In terms of costs, this typically equates to 1/2 months salary, and within the $1500-$5000 range.
Of course, there is no ‘rule’ when it comes to the size one should expect. Besides, people do have different preferences and desires for their engagement ring.
Finger sizes and an practicality are also other factors which may play a role in what size an engagement ring should be.
With larger fingers a larger gemstone works better, as opposed to somebody with smaller fingers where the same stone may look out of place.
It also must be said that engagement rings come in different styles and different settings. Not only will this impact the overall size and cost of the ring, but it can also make a stone look larger (or smaller) than it actually is.
Then of course there is the budget; what is realistically affordable.
It comes as no surprise that the bigger the stone, the more the ring costs.
So, put differently, the number of carats a ring should be is one that fits within the budget (so long as this is reasonable to begin with!)
What Do I Do If I Want A Bigger Engagement Ring?
If you want a bigger engagement ring, then you will need to consider whether you are comfortable in talking with your partner about a possible exchange or return.
But before you go ahead and do this, it is strongly advised that you take some time with the ring. Give it a week of wear and see if you start to get attached to it.
You may find that in time, you begin to love it for what it is and because your partner choose it for you. It may even be more practical being that much smaller.
That being said, if you find that you are sure you want a bigger engagement ring, you’ll need to communicate with your partner accordingly.
You should also do this in good time; the longer you put it off the lower the chance you will ever say something. Besides, the return or exchange warranty may even expire after a certain amount of time.
When having this conversation however, you will want to be careful about your wording.
You do not want it to look like you are unappreciative or materialistic. This is likely not the case and it is not the impression you want to give off.
Plus, it could make your partner feel inadequate; either in what they can afford or in what they thought you would like. Chances are they bought the best ring they could; or thought would be best for you.
In the section below we will take a look at how you could approach such a conversation.
How Do I Tell My Fiancé I Don’t Like The Ring
If you do decide to tell your fiancé you do not like the ring, then it is good to plan what you are going to say in advance.
You’ll also want to ensure you have the conversation at the right time, in the right context. It goes without saying you want to do this in private.
You should also look for a moment when you in open dialogue and not in the middle of a disagreement or argument. The time you have this conversation will be crucial for how it ultimately will go.
When you’re ready, and the moment is right, begin by acknowledging how appreciative of your fiancé you are. You should make it clear that you value the thought that went into the choice, but unfortunately it is not right for you.
Clearly state that you do not intend to hurt his feelings, but instead was looking for something a little different.
In this conversation do not mention cost, money or anything too personal!
You should find that your fiancé is receptive and open to your opinions, and will want to put it right.
Besides, the ring will also reflect on him and it was likely the case that he was not aware of what you were looking for to begin with.
Nevertheless and as awkward as you may perceive it to be, it is important that you have the conversation. Otherwise you will end up with a ring you are not happy with and this can lead to extended disappointment and possibly even resentment.
The sad thing is, having a ring on your finger that you do not like will be a frequent reminder of disappointment; it can in many ways impact your relationship.
At the end of the day, you should not feel bad for being honest.
Is It Wrong To Upgrade Your Engagement Ring?
It is not wrong to upgrade your engagement ring, so long as you do this with your partner and have already had the conversation that you would like to change it.
If you are also deciding to upgrade as a means of getting a ring that is more significant to you, better-made or longer-lasting; these are also fair reasons to want to upgrade; and your fiancé will likely share the same opinions.
That being said it is important that you still opt for a ring that is relatively similar in price, or one that your partner can afford or still within budget.
The timing of your desire to upgrade is also important here. It should be soon after you were proposed with the ring and not months down the line.
Equally, if you were to go behind your partners back, put pressure on him to overstretch himself financially, or manipulate him into upgrading your ring then it could be considered wrong.
Thankfully, a lot of jewelers are flexible with exchange and return polices these days. So as long as you approach it right; there is no reason why you cannot upgrade your ring together without issues.
You may even be able to keep certain aspects of your engagement ring that you like but change others. For example, you could keep the stone but change the setting.
In an ideal world; we would all get the engagement ring we had always longed for and wanted. And while this is the case for some people, whether by luck, chance or clever planning, it is not the case for all.
The result is that some of us are just not happy with our engagement rings. Whether it is the size, the style or everything in between.
And we shouldn’t feel wrong for feeling this way.
But, how we react, behave and respond is what truly matters.
If you do want a bigger engagement ring, then do take a minute to stop and think about why this is. Ensure it is for the right reasons and ensure that any change is feasible and realistic.
From there, do have the conversation. But make sure you wait for the right moment, pitch it right and include your partner in any ring exchange, return or new purchase.
Better yet, talk about your preferences ahead of time and before any ring is bought to begin with! That will mean your partner has something to go by and they will have a higher chance of succeeding in getting the right ring.
It also makes your life easier if you did ever need to change it; because he could much better understand where you’re coming from.
At the end of the day; if your engagement ring cannot be changed for whatever reason, remember this. You’re getting married to the person, not the ring!
While your engagement ring is of course important, your partners feelings and your marriage should always take precedence.
Hey, I’m Allison – a recent bride, an expectant mother and the chief editor here at Everlasting Occasion. Here I document all the knowledge and experience I accumulated while researching and planning my dream wedding and ahead of our new baby. Here, I try to answer those many questions couples have when planning their dream wedding, while equally, helping expectant parents ahead of their new arrival!